Today is Valentine’s Day, the day we set aside time to recognize and celebrate those we love. One of the most fascinating aspects of this crazy little thing called love is the reminder of its profound circular effect. What goes around the circle of love must always come back again, and when two people demonstrate such care for each other in a true, honest, and sincere way, this circle will inspire attitudes and behaviors that can transcend whatever life has in store, whether among family, friends, or colleagues.

Giving attention to how we manage our relationships is important, because according to current scientific research loneliness can lead to many averse issues including sickness and death due to the effects it has on our “attention, cognition, affect, and behavior.” In short, we are biologically wired to be social, and when we don’t invest effort to facilitate positive interactions with others the results can be detrimental to our health.

The 5 Promises of Love
In a previous article I outlined eight models of love that all sounded the same (they all called themselves love) but they were all felt and expressed differently. In this article we find outlined a prescription that can be used to express and aim for agape (when used towards others) and philautia (when directed in the positive sense towards oneself), though these suggestions can also be modified for use with other models of love as well.

1) Gratitude
This promise says:

In 2017 I commissioned the talented graphic artist Victoria Gorbylyova to create a promotional poster for my work. The poster would be in homage to David Devant, one of the most influential magicians of the twentieth century. One of Devant’s most famous posters had the slogan “All done by kindness” scrawled in the lower right corner. In the twenty-first century homage poster Gorbylyova used a similar format, but I asked her to inscribe a different slogan: “All done in love.” In the spirit of precision of language, this article unpacks what this might mean.

Celebrate Love
St. Valentine’s Day is next week and I’m excited because it’s one of my two favorite holidays—right up there with Thanksgiving. Celebrating Love and Gratitude, how much better can it get? The trouble with Love, though, is people tend to fall under two camps.

1. There are those who throw the word around everywhere—loving everything from their partner, their sandwich, the Instagram photo, and everything else in between.
2. And then there are those who refuse to use the word all together—perhaps out of fear of appearing venerable, being misunderstood, or maybe out of a genuine loathe for everything and everyone.

The Problem With Love
The problem with this word is that there are many sentiments that it can invoke and they all sound the same: Love. But they don’t all feel the same. The ancient Greeks had six words that are today all translated as Love, and psychologists have suggested that in addition to these six there are at least two more definitions to account for. With so many ways to interpret this word there’s truly no wonder there’s so much miscommunication and misunderstandings that arise from its use.

What Does Your Love Mean?
What follows is an outline of the eight models of Love as proposed by the Ancient Greeks and modern psychologists so that on Valentine’s Day you’ll be able to explain exactly what you mean when you tell your Valentine “I Love You.”

1. Storge
Storge love is a fondness among those who value the long-term nature of the relationship, whether between friends, spouses, children, pets, or colleagues. It’s also been used to describe love felt towards one’s country and even a favorite sport team.

2. Philia
Philia love is affectionate among equals, whether friends, family, or community. Some ancient texts used this term quite liberally as a generic word for any kind of love, such as loving a friend, a desire, an activity, food, or a romantic partner.

3. Pragmatic
Pragmatic love is practical and convenient, where partners are in service to each other towards a common goal.

4. Ludus
Ludus love is between those who value participating in fun experiences together, whether indoor or outdoor activities, games, joking around, and such.

5. Mania
Mania love is an obsessive desire to experience love, often as a means of escape or to reinforce one’s own sense of value. This kind of love can lead to codependency and jealousy.

6. Eros
Eros is an intimate romantic love. This kind of love may at first have an emphasis on physical beauty, but over time it may transform to include inner beauty as well.

7. Agape
Agape love is unconditional and wills the good of another. Those with this kind of love find pleasure in serving the beloved.

8. Philautia
Philautia love is self-love, which can be expressed negatively as vanity and egoism, or positively as self-acceptance and happiness for who you are.
Final ThoughtsWith so many definitions of love it’s no wonder there’s so much misunderstandings that can get involved. However you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day, keep these definitions in mind so the next time you love someone, you can pinpoint what kind of love it is!

Reflection

1. Make a list of all the people you love.
2. Below each name write why you love them.
3. Based on your experience, decide which of the 8 models of love fits best with how you love them.

The poet Walt Whitman once said that “we convince by our presence,” and this suggests two important points worth considering:

1. What does it mean to be present?
2. What does our presence imply?

 
Let’s address the first question first, and the second second.
 
What Does It Mean To Be Present?
In a literal sense being present means to be physically in attendance, but that’s only a prerequisite, for it is quite possible to be physically present even while being mentally “checked out.” Physical attendance, then, is a necessary requirement for presence, yet at the same time it is not sufficient.
 
Bruce Rosenbaum, artist, designer, and founder of ModVic, a company that produces functional Steampunk art, credits much of his innovations to the process of Janusian thinking, a creative problem solving technique that combines opposites to foster meaningful connections to the concurrent past, present, and future. This notion is based on the Roman god Janus who is depicted as always looking in diametrically opposite directions and is considered to be the god of all beginnings and of all ends. Because of these characteristics Janus is often depicted above doorways, seeing as doors simultaneously lead both in and out. To employ Janusian thinking is to consciously conceptualize the simultaneous co-existence of opposites as happening concurrently. 
 
Let’s apply this notion to our present discussion on presence. To be present in the Janusian sense can mean not allowing past failures to keep us from progressing in the present while also not letting past successes to keep us from aiming even higher. Concurrently, this also means planning for the future like we’re going to live forever while also playing today as if tomorrow we shall die. This Janusian definition of presence, then, calls us to ignore the failures and successes of yesterday, like a caring yet disinterested scientist conducting a daily experiment, to allow each new day to display its wondrous surprises—free from the distractions of preconceived notions, past experiences, and dreams of tomorrow. An experience of this kind of presence reveals that what is true today is also false, and what is false today is also true; it only depends on our direction at the beginning and at the end. To be fully present is to be both empty and full—empty of preconceived notions and full of expectations to learn and experience something new, while at the same time leaning on the talents and skills learned up until that point. Presence reveals that each moment to moment is the same, while at the same time completely different.
 
This kind of presence suggests that we accept where we are as exactly where we should be considering everything we’ve done to get there. Being fully present is a reminder of our personal agency, while also pointing to the fact that if we don’t like where we are then we don’t have to wait for circumstances to change, for our very presence provides encouragement that we are fully empowered to take motivated actions to grow beyond the current station.
 
With this initial understanding of presence, let’s now consider what our presence implies. If Whitman is correct, then our presence is convicting us of something, but what exactly is it implying?
 
What Does Our Presence Imply?
The author Regina Brett offers this advice: “No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.” At first glance we might miss the key to understanding this statement. Notice how “show up” is the last point in her recommendation, whereas the call to “dress up” comes before it. This suggests that we seek to look the part of what we are showing up for, which when done mindfully will demonstrate three respects: 1) self-respect, 2) respect for the other parties involved, 3) respect for the activity and situation itself.
 
Look The Part
There is a reason why judges where robes, scientists wear lab coats, clowns wear makeup, and skydivers wear parachutes. Wardrobes function as a physical representation of a position, allowing for instant and near-universal recognizability. Uniforms also serve as an anchor for the wearer, putting them in the mindset necessary to complete the task. For example, a 2015 study observed that “felt power” can contribute to increased performance in cognitive tasks when participants wear formalwear as opposed to clothes that are less-formal. A separate study observed the same findings and coined the term “enclothed cognition” to describe the psychological influence that clothes can have on wearers.
 
A possible explanation for this comes from Scott Barnes, a celebrity make-up artist in the music, television, and film industries. He asserts:
 
“Looking good leads to feeling good, feeling good leads to empowerment.  When you put your best face forward, it gives you the opportunity to really accelerate in life. Feeling good commands respect. And that’s really empowering.”
 
The lobbyist Katherine Albrecht once confided that a makeover by Barnes helped her address members of Congress. She believed that looking the part made her more effective in her work because people listen to confidence. The leadership trainer Tyler Tervooren sums it up well:
 
“The clothes you wear and the way you groom yourself will change the way other people hear what you say. It will subconsciously tell them if you’re like them or if you’re different. It will determine whether they listen or ignore. Trust or distrust.”
 
We will be judged by our presence, and choosing to be enclothed thoughtfully by the design of our position—whether current or aspirational—poises ourselves to facilitate positive experiences.
 
Following Regina Brett’s advice to “dress up and show up” we find credence to Whitman’s adage, however there’s more to presence than simply showing up and looking the part. If that’s all it takes to be present then we’d be nothing more than a well-dressed mannequin! To be truly present we’ll need also the first half of Brett’s statement: “No matter how you feel, get up…”
 
Demonstrate Care
Our presence convinces because effort demonstrates care. Consider this truth: Olympic Gold Medals don’t go to the best athletes in the world; rather, they go to the best athletes who show up to the arena. We live in an age where some races can be won simply by getting up and saying yes! What’s more, when we’re present even when we don’t feel like it, sufficient evidence is provided to convict us of our determination. We will always find time to invest in what we genuinely value, and it is in this way that our presence convinces.
 
When I was a child, gym class more of a course in inadequacy and embarrassment rather than of physical education. I never made it to the top of the rope, I could never run the whole mile, and I couldn’t even execute just chin-up. Not even one! I remember watching my friends do countless chin-ups and all I could do was dangle from the rod. In 2014 I set out to change that. Over a span of three years I hiked mountains to build endurance, ran upwards of eight miles a day to lose weight, and lifted weights to build up strength. Even when I didn’t feel like it, I got up, dressed up, and showed up. Showing up everyday “convinced with my presence” when on September 9, 2017, at the age of 34, I finally executed my first chin-up!
 
How Do You Convince With You Presence?
You convince with your presence when you show up; you convince with your presence when you build others up.
 
You convince with your presence when you take care of your appearance; you convince with your presence when you have perseverance.
 
You convince with your presence when you value family and friends; you convince with your presence when you make amends.
 
You convince with your presence by sharing your talents; you convince with your presence by not wasting any moments.
 
You convince with your presence when the phone is set aside; you convince with your presence when you listen by someone’s side.
 
You convince with your presence by keeping an open mind; you convince with your presence by choosing to be kind.
 
How Behavior Influences Presence
The DISC Personality System, as first proposed by Dr. William Marston in his 1928 book The Emotions of Normal People, is a model for understanding the motivations of human behavior. Dr. Marston further communicated his theories in 1940 when he created the superhero Wonder Woman, which he used to expound on his ideas. According to this model approximately 17% of the population is characterized as possessing an influencing, inspiring, and interactive personality. These are individuals who are active and people-oriented, and are commonly motivated by the fear of rejection. For those characterized with these “I” personality traits, they are most capable and comfortable in bringing a true presence to all that they do. It’s simply part of who they naturally are. If you’re not naturally an “I” personality, then what can you learn from them to help develop your own presence? Start by considering these influencing practices:

• Open your mind to new possibilities.
• Be open and honest—don’t hold back your ideas.
• Socialize, and enjoy it.
• Have a good sense of humor.
• Presume that others have good intentions.
• Negotiate conflict by finding common ground.
• Openly recognize the good work of others.

 
Implementing even just one of these suggestions will help you increase your capacity for influence and “convince with your presence.”
 
Reflections
By exploring what it means to truly be present, and what that presence implies, we’ve uncovered a multitude of practices that if implemented will provide a lifetime of opportunities for personal and professional growth. To further encourage you in your growth, consider the following reflections:

1. What is your presence convicting you of today? Do you like the answer?
2. In what areas of your life are you naturally present? Is it with family or friends? At work? At the gym? In nature? Or somewhere else?
3. In what area do you most need to work on your presence? What can you do to improve? Can you show up more? Listen more? Look more the part? Be more open? Be more lighthearted? Or perhaps it’s something else?
4. What person in your life is a positive example of someone with a genuine presence? What is it about them? How might you “mirror” some of their presence to improve your own?

 
Final Thoughts
The author Marianne Williamson reminds us, “As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” On our journey to facilitate positive experiences may our presence always be convincing, and may it always inspire others to pursue their highest purpose.

When I was a young boy my father would bring me every Saturday to the local magic store, Bianco's Bike & Magic Shop. We'd get there right at 10am when Tony Bianco opened up the shop and we'd stay right up until he closed at 3pm. It was there that I first met all the local magicians, from dabblers and hobbyists, to scholars, historians, and seasoned pros. They came from all walks of life, and yet they came with the same passion for the craft and art of magic.
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Seeing such a cute young kid interested in magic, they happily shared with me their secrets, tips, tricks, and words of wisdom and encouragement. When I was old enough I officially joined them by becoming a member of the Society Of American Magicians. Being part of such a welcoming and tight-knit group was a positive influence on me from an early age.

What most strikes me about that time in my life, now that I look back from a bigger perspective, is that my father—who surely had plenty of other things he could have been doing with his weekend—willingly, happily, and joyfully brought me to the store and spent all day with me and my new friends. My friends became his friends, and if he wasn’t taking part in the magic then he was helping with the bicycle repairs—which was more in line with his passions.

My father and I could not have been any different from each other, yet we still bonded by his joy in sharing in my passions. He was always one of my biggest supporters, and for that I will always Always ALWAYS be grateful. When my father died in 2014 I responded by doing a magic show. I called up my friend Jenifer Gelineau, who heads up Holyoke Summer Strings, and volunteered to do a magic show for their students. It was a small gesture, but a significant one.

How do you show someone that you care? How do you show someone that you love them? You show up. You convince with your presence. That’s what my father did for me, and with the skills and knowledge that I gained because of him I now dedicate my time on this earth to prove with my own presence, by showing up and sharing the same kind of love that my father taught me.

Today my career as a Facilitator of Fascination affords me the opportunity to share my talents as a magician and expertise in positivity and happiness, to help others who greatly need it by trading value for value through:

• Engaging professional development workshops to corporations and organizations who need help with teamwork and communication.
• Empowering presentations for high schools and colleges to combat the growing anxiety, depression, and suicide crisis among emerging adults.
• Encouraging one-on-one coaching programs for motivated individuals who are looking to experience the next level of enjoyment and excellence in their lives at work, home, and beyond.

This work is challenging and yet extremely rewarding, because not only do I get the satisfaction of doing what I do best, but I also get the satisfaction of having a front row seat to witness the life transformation of others. It's been my experience that showing up to life everyday to do your very best, being present, and helping others along the way, is a great way to show others that you care.
What do you think? How do you show others that you care?

Have you ever met someone who’s the same today as they were ten years ago? It’s as if time has stood still for them, all the while the rest world has moved on. When you ask them what their plans are they won’t be able to tell you anything new, and when you ask them what they’re looking forward to they either won’t have an answer or their answer will be a rehash of the “same old same old.”

There can be something said for maintaining stability. According to the DISC Behavior Model 69% of the population is characterized as Steady, Stable, and Supportive, and largely motivated by the fear of losing security. In other words, they will actively avoid making changes—even positive changes! Beyond this inherent fear-based behavior, there can be a number of external factors at work too:
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• Some people are discouraged by others
• Some people have been hurt by past disappointment 
• Some people settle for average
• Some people lack confidence

Whatever the “stumbling stone” may be, ultimately no one will ever change until “they hurt enough that they have to change, learn enough that they want to change, [and] receive enough that they are able to change.” To be clear, I’m not talking about change just for the sake of change, or compromising core values; rather, I’m talking about the kind of change that involves positive growth; ensuring that next year we’re not just a year older, but a year wiser too.

When we have to change, want to change, and are able to change, it offers us a sense of purpose—a meaningful and motivating drive to make the most of our days. According to Dr. Stephanie Hooker, a psychologist at the University of Minnesota, having a sense of purpose is “basically the idea that your life makes sense, you’re here for a reason, and you’re significant in the world.” Yet without this drive we become demotivated, like a sailboat with neither sail nor wind. Though many of us have experienced firsthand the joy of having a sense of purpose, there’s also plenty of research to support these claims for those skeptical to the whims of emotions, including a number of health benefits. A sense of purpose can:

• Improve sleep
• Increase resiliency to stress
• Improve cognitive and executive function
• Improve healing capabilities after surgery
• Help emerging adults maintain a positive self-image, have less delinquency, and more gracefully transition into adulthood.
• Help aging adults maintain independence in old age.

These claims by social scientists makes purpose sound like some kind of magic spell, but there can be logical reasons for why having a sense of purpose can be so beneficial to our health. According to Dr. Hooker, “People who have a greater sense of meaning may be more likely to take care of themselves because they feel as if their lives matter more…they’ve got this ultimate purpose that they’re trying to achieve, and health is the foundation for being able to do that.”

How To Live With PurposeIt’s clear that having a sense of purpose is good for us, not just to give us something to do today, but to also offer meaning and value to all our days while at the same time giving us natural motivation to maintain sound health. Okay, that’s great—but what about those stumbling stones we mentioned at the top of this article? How do we foster purpose when we’re discouraged by others? When we’re hurt by past disappointment? When we have settled for average? And what about when we simply lack confidence?

The author and corporate trainer Bridget Irby suggests, “The real reason most people get what they want out of life [is] belief.” She narrows it down to two core beliefs. When people are held back from positive growth they either 1) don't believe they deserve more out of life, or 2) they don't believe the can obtain it. The idea is that if you choose to believe in your worthiness and choose to believe that you can achieve what you set your mind to, you will be able to achieve it.

This notion is reminiscent of the transportation innovator: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right,” and also the century transportation affirmationist: “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

Serve Others
If you or someone you know is hung up on self-efficacy and confidence issues, then a good place to start with fostering a sense of purpose is with advice from the many sages throughout the ages who have suggested that purpose can be found in helping others.

Mahatma Gandhi is quoted as saying, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Winston Churchill is credited as saying, “We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.” And then there’s this popular suggestion attributed as a Chinese proverb: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a month, get married. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody else.”

Social scientists support these claims, with research indicating that service to others can provide a sense of meaning, contribute to one’s own success and growth and happiness.The behavioral neuroscientist Alice Walton suggests that valuing service to others can also provide mental health benefits, stating: “Much of our mental anguish, stress and depression is linked to rumination and worry-based, self-referential thoughts.”

But not everyone is convinced that purpose is necessarily linked to servicing others. The psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson asserts that your purpose is simply what you do. “Just do your thing, whether it’s playing music, studying frogs, making a fortune or making pies.” And if whatever you do also happens to provide service to others, well isn’t that nice. As the poet Rumi offers, “Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.” One way to do this is to integrate our interests and talents, which oftentimes overlaps with the needs of others.

Stimulate Your PassionsOne way to find a natural sense of purpose is to stimulate your passions, one of the strategies I share in my book Are You P.O.S.I.T.I.V.E.?: Rethinking Positive Thinking. In this book passion is defined as the intersection of our talents and our interests—with our talents being the things that we can do better than most people with little or no effort, and our interests being the things that we think about even when we should be thinking about something else. Stimulating our passions honors the work that we have been “made for;” the work that Rumi suggests has been naturally placed in “every heart.”

This distinction between talents and interests can also be understood as the tension between aptitudes and values, which brings up an important question: Just because we can do something, does that mean that we should do something? This line of questioning proposes a noteworthy difference between two conflicting purposes: 1) our primary inner purpose, and 2) our secondary outer purpose. This is another way of stating the reminder that we are human beings, not human doings. In this understanding, our inner purpose involves our core convictions, and our outer purpose is how we express those values. In other words, we will discover our true sense of purpose when what we do in this life is a clear reflection of who we are in this life.

Reflections
1) Identify Your Interests, Core Convictions &Values: Who are you? Don’t confuse this for what you do, rather think of who you are. What are you about? What are your values? What presence do you bring to the world? What do you think about even when you should be thinking about other things? What kind of influence and impact do you have on the people around you?

2) Identify Your Talents, Skills & Aptitudes: What do you do well? What do you enjoy doing? How can you use your natural talents and learned skills to express your core convictions? How might these “doings” solve a problem that others may have? How might your purpose be of service to the world around you?

3) Test Your Purpose: In the book Put Your Dream To The Test[18] Dr. John C. Maxwell shares a list of 10 questions to help readers cultivate an authentic sense of purpose that is both meaningful and impactful. As you reflect on your deep-seated purpose, answer these four questions:

• The Ownership Question: Is your purpose really your purpose? Or is it merely what you think others expect of you?
• The Passion Question: Does your purpose compel you to follow it? Are you consistently motivated to act on it? Or are you easily sidetracked?
• The Cost Question: Are you willing to pay the price for your purpose? What is negotiable in your life? What is nonnegotiable? Anything of lasting value will require you to make sacrifices. Are you willing to give up certain things in order to gain something more?
• The Fulfillment Question: Does working toward your purpose bring satisfaction? Grand accomplishments require grand effort. Does working toward your purpose bring you joy, even during difficult times?

Final Thoughts
Having a sense of purpose not only provides meaning and significance to our lives, it also comes with a myriad of physical and mental health benefits. Plus, there’s a good chance that we’ll be able to help others along the way, which can either be a happy happenstance or an intentional initiative. Finding your authentic life purpose is a discerning move, and by taking the time to be mindful and reflect on your positive impact on the world around you, you’ll be well-poised to enjoy the benefits.

When I was a young boy my father would bring me every Saturday to the local magic store, Bianco's Bike & Magic Shop. We'd get there right at 10am when Tony Bianco opened up the shop and we'd stay right up until he closed at 3pm. It was there that I first met all the local magicians, from dabblers and hobbyists, to scholars, historians, and seasoned pros. They came from all walks of life, and yet they came with the same passion for the craft and art of magic.

Seeing such a cute young kid interested in magic, they happily shared with me their secrets, tips, tricks, and words of wisdom and encouragement. When I was old enough I officially joined them by becoming a member of the Society Of American Magicians. Being part of such a welcoming and tight-knit group was a positive influence on me from an early age.

What most strikes me about that time in my life, now that I look back from a bigger perspective, is that my father—who surely had plenty of other things he could have been doing with his weekend—willingly, happily, and joyfully brought me to the store and spent all day with me and my new friends. My friends became his friends, and if he wasn’t taking part in the magic then he was helping with the bicycle repairs—which was more in line with his passions.

My father and I could not have been any different from each other, yet we still bonded by his joy in sharing in my passions. He was always one of my biggest supporters, and for that I will always Always ALWAYS be grateful. When my father died in 2014 I responded by doing a magic show. I called up my friend Jenifer Gelineau, who heads up Holyoke Summer Strings, and volunteered to do a magic show for their students. It was a small gesture, but a significant one.

How do you show someone that you care? How do you show someone that you love them? You show up. You convince with your presence. That’s what my father did for me, and with the skills and knowledge that I gained because of him I now dedicate my time on this earth to prove with my own presence, by showing up and sharing the same kind of love that my father taught me.

Today my career as a Facilitator of Fascination affords me the opportunity to share my talents as a magician and expertise in positivity and happiness, to help others who greatly need it by trading value for value through:

• Engaging professional development workshops to corporations and organizations who need help with teamwork and communication.
• Empowering presentations for high schools and colleges to combat the growing anxiety, depression, and suicide crisis among emerging adults.
• Encouraging one-on-one coaching programs for motivated individuals who are looking to experience the next level of enjoyment and excellence in their lives at work, home, and beyond.

This work is challenging and yet extremely rewarding, because not only do I get the satisfaction of doing what I do best, but I also get the satisfaction of having a front row seat to witness the life transformation of others. It's been my experience that showing up to life everyday to do your very best, being present, and helping others along the way, is a great way to show others that you care.

What do you think? How do you show others that you care?

Jonas Cain is an author, magician, Facilitator of Fascination, and founder of Positivity Magic, LLC. His company helps corporations and schools develop a positive culture and coaches individuals to foster a positive mindset so they can experience the next level of enjoyment and excellence at work, home, and beyond.
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Has this ever happened to you? You just finish performing the most amazing magic of your career, complete with emotional hooks and theatrical arcs, and yet the only response from the audience is: “How did you do that?” 

Some may see this kind of a response as a compliment to a magician, but I’m not you’re every day average magician. I’m not in the business of pulling the wool over the eyes and fooling my audience. No, I’m in a much more interesting line of work. I’m on a mission to help people experience the next level of enjoyment and excellence in their lives, and it just so happens that I do this by performing Positivity Magic that communicates principles and practices for choosing fascination rather than frustration in the face of life’s surprises.

Some of the people who get the most value out of this work are individuals who tend to get so stuck in the details that they can't see the bigger picture. For these folks it takes a little more coaching to allow them space to overcome their fears of the unknown and experience a positive breakthrough. Once I'm able to help guide them away from fruitless questions (ie "How did you do that?" "Why is this happening to me?") and to instead ask the more fruitful questions (ie "What did I do to put myself into this situation?" "How can I use this experience to grow?") that's when true breakthroughs are made possible.

The Role of Motivation
According to the DISC Behavioral Model, 17% of the population is classified as compliant, correct, and cautious, with a passive and task-oriented mindset commonly motivated by the fear of criticism. These are the people who need to dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s, and they need all the details prepared before they can make decisions. It’s in their nature to be cautious so they are careful to ensure everything is correct.

For those who are motivated with “High C” behaviors, the Magic Word Preparation is quite important because it helps keep their biggest fear at bay, however their actions have additional intrinsic value beyond just the fear of criticism. Careful action also ensures that they do the right thing, even when doing the wrong (or immoral) thing would be far easier in the short term. There’s plenty of research with a focus on what makes people happy, but here we’re focusing on behaviors that are “right” or “correct,” which might not necessarily result in the same feel-good qualities as happiness.

Apples, Cases & BarrelsA 2010 study explores the consequences of unethical behaviors and intentions, exploring actions like stealing, cheating, and lying in the workplace. The analysis used three categories:

1. Bad Apples (individual characteristics)
2. Bad Cases (circumstantial characteristics)
3. Bad Barrels (workplace characteristics).

Bad Apples are those who reject universal ethics in favor of moral relativism, and who also fail to recognize the relationship between their personal behavior and the resulting consequences.

Bad Cases are situations where doing the wrong thing had lower perceived consequences, such as when consequences were not imminent, or when penalties are shared by many rather than blame placed on just one individual. 

Bad Barrels are work environments where behavior expectations are not enforced, and are also apathetic to the well-being of others—whether employees, customers, vendors, or the community at large.

In short, there are many things that could cause someone to choose the wrong thing over the right thing—whether due to flawed personal character, opportunistic circumstances, or a negative environment—yet comparatively few reasons to choose the right. In response to this study, Dr. Christopher Peterson, one of the founders of positive psychology, stated:
​
“Those who do the right thing are people who do not see others as means to ends, those who believe they are responsible for what happens to themselves, and those who are happy.”ControlFor our purposes we're going to focus on Dr. Peterson’s second point. When we have an internal locus of control we place the blame or praise for our failures or successes on our own efforts, and if we hold this sort of expectation we become motivated to do all we can to achieve ambitions that genuinely matter to our areas of passion and purpose. In other words, correct actions include doing the right things by preparing for the future that we expect. And while expectations are not always met, they certainly have a much better chance of coming into existence when we do the work necessary to prepare for them. As the poet Margaret Elizabeth Sangster reminds us:

“It isn't the things you do, but rather, it's the things that you leave undone, which gives you a bit of heartache, at the setting of the sun.”What are our actions of today preparing for the outcomes of tomorrow? Having an open perspective and believing in a meaningful purpose is important, but unless our actions today and every day prepare for the fulfillment of this purpose we will be destined to settle for a rehash of our current station.

Reflection

1. What are your behaviors today preparing you for? Are they leading you closer or further away from your purpose?
2. What activities, behaviors, or habits are not “pulling their weight” in the fulfillment of your purpose? What might you outsource or stop doing altogether?
3. What activities, behaviors, or habits are you not currently doing that could help you prepare for the future you’re hoping for? What might you add to your life to be better prepared?

Final Thoughts
If you’re looking for positive results with your chosen purpose then you will be called to do the right things today—even when doing the wrong things (procrastinating!) may be the more alluring options for your temporary, short term happiness. Best of all, when you employ the Magic Word Preparation, your future self will always thank you for it!

In the book Am I Making Myself Clear? the author Terry Felber suggests that everyone views the world through their own representational system. A representational system is the lens through which we interpret the world and it’s created by the experiences of our five senses over time, including the influences of our heredity, environments, and various role models.

A simple example of how this works is seen in a hypothetical trip to the beach. Later, if we were to talk about the experience, our recollections would be translated through our different representational systems. One person might describe how the sun felt on their skin, another might describe the sound of the waves, or the reflection of the sun on the water, or the smell of salt in the air. As for me, I’d probably talk about how cold it is since going to a New England beach in December isn’t always the most pleasant of experiences! Same situation, same set of data, yet we all experienced something different.

The playwright George Bernard Shaw once suggested that “the single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” This illusion is created when we project our own representational system onto others—by assuming that they have had the same experiences with heredity, environments, and role models—and consequently fail to account for their actual motivations.

Principles
A proactive approach to addressing this issue is to examine the psychology behind these systems, such as the DISC Personality Assessment. DISC is the acronym for a personality and behavioral model based on the work of Dr. William Marston’s 1928 book The Emotions of Normal People. In this model of human behavior there are four dominant personality types: 1) Dominant, 2) Influencing, 3) Steady, and 4) Compliant. Each personality type is motivated by different factors based on their dominant world view as conditioned by their heredity, environments, and role models, and the resulting behavior is influenced by underlying fears.

• Those with a “High D” personality tend to be more dominant, direct, and decisive. They are active and task-oriented, and are commonly motivated by the fear of being taken advantage of.
• Those with a “High I” personality tend to be more influencing, inspiring, and interactive. They are active and people-oriented, and are commonly motivated by the fear of rejection.
• Those with a “High S” personality tend to be more steady, stable, and supportive. They are passive and people-oriented, and are commonly motivated by the fear of losing security.
• Those with a “High C” personality tend to be more compliant, correct, and cautious. They are passive and task-oriented, and are commonly motivated by the fear of criticism.

Being aware of how people interpret the world around them, and being sensitive to the underlying fears that motivate behavior, is a valuable practice for overcoming the illusion of communication. Likewise, being more aware of your own personality style will help you to better understand how to alter your behavior when interacting with others in a way that speaks to their motivations rather than from your limited world-view.

Reflection
Whether we admit it or not, everyone is motivated by fear. It's biologically wired in our DNA. In the book The Biology of Happiness the author Bjørn Grinde points out that we are wired to gravitate towards that which affords us with positive effects, and eschew that which gives us negative effects. For example, we don’t have to think twice before pulling our hand off of a hot stove: the motivation to pull away from pain is built into our body’s nervous system.

With this in mind, reflect on your answers to the following questions:

1. Think about your behaviors on a typical day. What predominant fear motivates you? Is it a fear of being taken advantage of? The fear of rejection? The fear of losing security? The fear of criticism?
2. How might this fear, if taken too broadly or to the extreme, be negatively impacting your work, your relationships, and your health?
3. Now that you’re more aware of some of your behavior’s motivating factors, how might this enhanced perspective positively impact your decisions, actions, and interactions moving forward?

Final Thoughts
By choosing to accept the intentional growth practice of developing and fostering a wider perspective we’ll transform our relationships by gaining more self-awareness, and empowered with greater clarity, empathy, and compassion when dealing with others.  

Additional Resources
If you’re ready to gain a wider perspective of your personality, motivations, and behaviors to achieve the next level of enjoyment and excellence, visit PositivityMagic.com/DISC and take the 10-minute DISC personality test. Your complete personality report will outline your styles of behavior, communication, strength, and work, and offer suggestions for personal and professional growth.

The age of celebrity culture and social media provides emerging generations with the illusion that success is something to be achieved quickly, failing to understand that this lens only frames part of the picture. The general public rarely sees the defining moments of determination in the bushwacked years of blood sweat and tears, yet seeing only the results and not the multitudes of rough drafts can lead to frustration when success is not immediately forthcoming. As the author Tal Ben-Shahar reminds us:
 
“When we hear about extremely successful people, we mostly hear about their great accomplishments – not about the many mistakes they made and the failures they experienced along the way. In fact, most successful people throughout history are also those who have had the most failures. That is no coincidence. People who achieve great feats, no matter what field, understand that failure is not a stumbling block but a stepping-stone on the road to success. There is no success without risk and failure. We often fail to see this truth because the outcome is more visible than the process—we see the final success and not the many failures that led to it.”[1]
 
Why This Matters
Humans are biologically wired to be motivated by fear, specifically the fear of losing the ability to pass on our genes, expressed through either liking and seeking that which promotes genetic fitness, or by disliking and avoiding that which reduces genetic fitness. [2]  Yet when we allow fears to override potential rewards we become discouraged from committing to and following through with our resolutions.
 
Consider this observation: the average person gets average results—which are small risks with small wins to create a life in statu quō ante bellum erat[3]—and the exceptional person gets exceptional results—which are big risks with exponentially bigger wins to create a life that is worthy of Instagram. When fears are based on past experiences we erroneously believe that past failures will translate into future failure with no hope for success, yet the opposite is also damaging. It is easy to rest on our past successes so much so that we fail to even try growing to our fullest potential. To break free from the average we are called to boldly step forward despite any fears and despite any past experiences. In other words, to achieve exceptional results we are called to persevere by creating our own exceptions. In this way perseverance can be well understood as courage in action: the courage to face adversity, delays, roadblocks, and hardships of various kinds, and choose to forge ahead instead of taking the easy way out by giving up.
 
According to Dr. William Marston’s DISC Personality System, 3% of the population is characterized as dominant, direct, and decisive. Driven by the fear of being taken advantage of, these individuals operate from the belief that the end result is all that matters. This can be a positive personality trait if held within the understanding that successful results take time. As the prominent baseball general manager Frank Lane points out, “If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm,” and this kind of determination to succeed calls us to employ the Magic Word Perseverance.
 
But it’s not just sports managers suggesting this. Jean Wiecha, Associate Professor of Exercise and Health Sciences at UMass Boston suggests that the best way to improve long-term success in life is by hardwiring our brains with perseverance. Of course, being a professor of exercise, she believes that a great way to do this is by participating in regular physical activity. The idea is that when we continually add hard-earned wins to our days, we’re reinforcing a mindset of perseverance that translates into all aspects of life for life-long growth.[4] There’s good reason for giving credence to this line of thinking, and it involves our body’s own natural reward chemical dopamine.
 
5 Perseverance Practices
Perseverance is fueled by dopamine, an organic chemical that acts as the mind’s natural reward mechanism. This chemical is the body’s biological method for reinforcing behavior that promotes genetic fitness by giving us the reward of a sense of satisfaction when we obtain pleasure and avoid pain. However, when we become complacent and don’t engage in proper behaviors, our dopamine levels become depleted which can lead to dissatisfaction and depression. The good news is that dopamine can be controlled and harnessed as a motivating force to help improve our capacity to persevere, and all takes is a slight shift in our beliefs and behaviors. [5]
 
1. Believe In Yourself
The popular quote attributed to Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right,” has basis in science. Ted Kaptuchuk, professor of Global Health and Social Medicine at Harvard Medical School and director of Placebo Studies and Therapeutic Encounter at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, states[6] that when patients believe that a drug will help them the mere belief triggers the body to begin producing dopamine which affects a healing response.
 
This natural phenomena can have profound consequences for more than just our physical health, but our mental health as well. By choosing to believe in your own abilities with an expectation of success this can literally alter the chemical responses in our brains, and when practiced consistently over time our mind can become conditioned to naturally produce dopamine when we need it to affect positive motivating states conducive to perseverance.
 
Expectations can have a profound impact on our lives even if it’s literally just all in our head, “there is still a biological mechanism driving these reactions.”[7] But that’s not all; when we believe in ourselves we don’t just produce useful brain chemicals, we also practice a growth mindset that helps to further develop perseverance.
 
2. Growth Mindset
Dr. Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,[8] suggests that there are benefits for holding a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset:
 
When we hold a fixed mindset we rest on our current knowledge, talents, and skills, believing that we will never be able to add to these qualities and therefore exert no effort to even try to improve. However this mindset can be devastating to our will when faced with challenges, obstacles, and failures, as such circumstances can lead us to believe that we we’re simply not good enough, thus reducing dopamine levels and by association impeding our capacity to persevere.
 
By contrast, with a growth mindset we believe that knowledge, talents, and skills can be developed through continual dedicated practice and hard work. This mindset understands that where we are is only a starting point for our life-long growth and professional development, and it interprets adversity “not as a signal to throw in the towel, but as a natural, healthy part of human growth and achievement.”[9] In short, by simply believing in ourselves by practicing a growth mindset we become imbued with a sense of purpose, poising ourselves to generate the motivation to persevere even when the going gets tough.
 
3. Practice
Professor Angela Duckworth, in her book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance,[10] suggests a way to practice perseverance through a growth mindset, no matter the specific activity. She sates that perseverance can be cultivated by focusing on key psychological assets, including that of employing intentional practice.
 
In cultivating practice the professor states that perseverance is a discipline of always trying to improve, however in this endeavor she encourages us to blend moments of stretching our abilities along with moments of “flow” which allows us to express our strengths through effortless performance. This is a key practice that I taught my private students when I worked in a former career as a music teacher. In our lesson we’d spend much time learning new techniques, however I was also always sure to allow the student ample time to demonstrate the strengths of what they had already learned as a way to both build and reinforce confidence. This “flow” time was crucial especially after spending much time learning a particularly difficult passage, for example. Fumbling and stumbling is no way to build confidence, and especially for young students it can cause them to want to quit mighty quick! But by immediately following up that time with selections that they’ve already mastered, it provides encouragement to persevere.
 
4. Accomplish Something Every Day
If we don’t accomplish something everyday dopamine levels diminish, which makes it easy to become frustrated and give up. But we are empowered to ramp up our levels of dopamine by ensuring that we do accomplish something every day. It doesn’t have to be something big every day; in fact, big accomplishments are usually the result of little tasks completed on a regular basis. So breaking down large tasks into smaller manageable tasks, and ensuring that we compete and acknowledge those wins, will trigger our brains to reward us with the pleasure inducing chemical that’s key to fueling perseverance.
 
To help with this consider making a checklist everyday of all the things you’d like to accomplish. Having this checklist not only helps us to organize our thoughts, but it also provides an opportunity to releases dopamine every time we cross something off the list once accomplished. What’s more, at the end of the week we’ll have seven lists with a multitude of tangible accomplishments to back at, providing a further boost of perseverance fuel!
 
5. Celebrate Your Wins
In today’s hustle and bustle it's so easy to become apathetic, but when we don’t take time to celebrate our achievements—no matter how small or seemingly insignificant—dopamine levels dry up preventing perseverance from being reinforced. By instead holding an internal locus of control by being our own cheerleaders we’ll instead be in control of our natural reward of dopamine. So when you experience success, get in the habit of sincerely experiencing it. I suggest creating your own happy dance or touchdown celebration. Over time you’ll learn to associate perseverance as a good feeling regardless of any associated difficulties.
 
Final Thoughts
Nelson Mandela once put it well when he said “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” When we look for the bigger perspective, when we know our purpose, when we prepare well, and when we are fully present in all that we do, we align yourself to not just bounce back from any potential setbacks but, even better, to bounce forward to truly be better today than we were yesterday. Now that’s a resolution worth sticking to!
 
Additional Resources
If you’d like to learn more about how to apply these principles and practices to your life and achieve the next level of enjoyment and excellence in a specific focus area, visit  PositivityMagic.com/Contact to schedule a free 30-minute Positivity Breakthrough Session. As a special bonus you’ll also receive a FREE positivity checklist outlining 8 simple steps for thinking, being, and staying positive!

Jonas Cain is an author, magician, Facilitator of Fascination, and founder of Positivity Magic, LLC. His company helps organizations develop a positive workplace culture and coaches individuals to develop a positive mindset so they can experience the next level of enjoyment and excellence at work, home, and beyond.
 
Accept your FREE Positivity Breakthrough Session Today at PositivityMagic.com/Contact
 
References
[1] Ben-Shahar, Tal. Choose the Life You Want. The Experiment, March 18, 2014. — p. 130

[2] Grinde, Bjørn. The Biology of Happiness. Springer, 2012.

[3] (Latin) “The state existing before the war.” This phrase reminds of Benjamin Franklin’s adage: “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” In other words, of what use is the war with our vices if afterwards we are in the same state as before the war?

[4] Bergland, Christopher. “The Neuroscience of Perseverance: Dopamine Reinforces the Habit of Perseverance.” Psychology Today, December 26, 2011.

[5] Bergland, Christopher. “The Neuroscience of Perseverance: Dopamine Reinforces the Habit of Perseverance.” Psychology Today, December 26, 2011.

[6] Specter, Michael. “The Power of Nothing: Could studying the placebo effect change the way we think about medicine?” The New Yorker, December 12, 2011.

[7] Specter, Michael. “The Power of Nothing: Could studying the placebo effect change the way we think about medicine?” The New Yorker, December 12, 2011.

[8] Dweck, Carol. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books, 2007.

[9] Pollock, Michael D. “The Science of Perseverance: How Your Beliefs Can Strengthen (or Weaken) Your Motivation.” MichaelDPollock.com

[10] Duckworth, Angela. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner, 2016.

We may not be able to control everything that happens to us, but we are empowered to choose how we respond to our circumstances to facilitate positive outcomes.

We’re living in a time hungry for people to think, be and stay positive. The world needs individuals from all walks of life to step up and lead with positivity for the benefit of themselves and for those within their sphere of influence.
 
Our lives are filled with conflicting influences, with some influences that can be considered “positive” and other influences that can be considered “negative,” and still other influences that are neutral and are best understood as opportunities. From there we have a simple choice: to respond positively with fascination to create outcomes that are constructive, or to respond negatively with frustration to create outcomes that are destructive.
 
The choice of which response would be most appropriate can perhaps be made clear when we consider that many disciplines have suggested that negativity has a greater impact than positivity. For example:

• In finance it’s said that losses have more of an impact than gains.
• In psychology it’s said that people tend to remember negative experiences more so than the more positive ones.
• And in linguistics it’s said that people tend to pay more attention to negative words rather than positive or neutral ones.

 
The affects of negativity can be far reaching, and since these affects can be far worse than their corresponding positive influences, I suggest that this is a strong case for making positivity an intentional initiative rather than a happy happenstance, by focusing our choices that create outcomes that are constructive rather than destructive.
 
To paint a clear picture of the consequences of negativity in our lives, here’s a brief outline of some of these effects on our work, on our relationships, and on our health:

Positivity matters because we matter. Each and every one of us is uniquely poised to make the world around us better simply because we are here. To help facilitate these positive experience a good place to start is by making better choices at work, in our relationships, and for our health. 
​ 
If you’d like more ideas on how to leverage positivity in your life, check out the articles in my Positivity Papers series, browse the available books, and watch my Magic Words videos for concise weekly coaching. If you’re looking for a personalized approach then you can sign up for one-on-one coaching here. Or, if you’re corporate team is in need of positivity training to improve the workplace culture and improve morale, you can schedule a Positivity Magic workshop here.

If Not You, Then Someone One Else!
In a recent episode of Magic Words: Principles for Conjuring Personal & Professional Growth I shared a story attributed to Christopher Columbus. As the story goes, when Columbus sailed across the Atlantic to the “New World” there were those who criticized him, saying that anyone could have made the same voyage. To this, Columbus simply replied: “Yes, but I am the one who actually did!”
 
This story may or may not be true (as with many of the stories we’ve been told about Columbus) but its sentiment points to a common truth: whenever someone does something significant there will always be someone to rain on the parade.

During my formative years as a magician the urban shaman David Blaine became a household name with his 1997 television special David Blaine: Street Magic. The special did something unique by emphasizing the exaggerated audience reactions rather than focusing in the magic that Blaine performed. Before the show was even over I could already hear magicians the world over chastise the 24-year old magician, accusing him of having no stage presence and only using standard magic props. The overwhelming consensus was that any other magician could have been the star of the show.

We could debate the validity of their arguments, or acknowledge how the ego is always willing to work overtime, but this would ignore the fact that if something is possible then there will always be empowered people to bring it to life. Yes, many magicians could have made audiences scream, laugh, yell, and jump up and down on camera the way Blaine did, but in 1997 it happened to be David Blaine who actually did it.
 
Multiple Discoveries
In science there’s an idea known as multiple discovery, or simultaneous invention. This is when multiple people discover or create the same or very similar things simultaneously and independently. Popular examples include:

• The formulation of calculus by Isaac Newton and Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz.
• The discovery of oxygen by Carl Wilhelm Scheele, Joseph Priestley, and Antoine Lavoisier.
• The creation of the theory of evolution by Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace.

 
An incredible modern example of this is found in literature. The author Elizabeth Gilbert, in her book Big Magic, tells the story of a book she started to write but never finished. Evelyn of the Amazon, as it was tentatively titled, was to tell a harrowing tale:

Why This Matters
Recognizing and accepting that we won’t always be the first to do something—and that we won’t always be the best at something—is imperative for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. What’s more, sometimes what we think we want isn’t really in our best interest. There are only so many hours in the day and so to be most effective in our lives part of our work is to focus on the activities that are best suited to our skills, interests, responsibilities, and motivation.
 
3 Questions To Ask Yourself
When faced with a myriad of amazing possibilities, we have the choice to ignore them or to explore them, and if today you feel called start something new then I encourage you to ask yourself these 3 important questions:

1. Can I do it?
2. Should I do it?
3. Will I do it?

 
Can I Do It?
This is a confidence question. What it really means is:

Pursuing Real Magic
As a magician I’ve always been on the lookout for the greatest magic trick of all. When I was younger I thought it would have something to do with mastering sleight of hand or using smoke and mirrors, but what I eventually came to understand is that the greatest magic of all has nothing to do with tricks and instead has more to do with something much more valuable.

Before I share this idea I’ll give you some context for how I discovered this concept:
Think of the last time you were disrupted by something outside of your control. For example, it might be a colleague, spouse, or friend who did something unexpected. Or it might be a traffic jam or accident, or a rainstorm that ruined your parade or a sunny day that ruined your ice-skating trip. Whatever it is, think of this trigger that caused a disruption to your ordinary world.
How did you respond?

There are many things in this life that we can't control—we can't control nature, the weather, or our biology, and we can't control the emotions, thoughts, words, and actions of others—but what we can control is how we respond to these things.

1. Do we choose to respond with fascination and build ourselves up?
2. Do we choose to respond with frustration and give up?

The Experience of Frustration
A number of years ago my ordinary world was disrupted by a trigger outside of my control, and I didn’t react very well to it. A psychologist at the time explained that I was experiencing what was known as situational or temporary depression, yet my reaction to this situation over a period of nearly three years created what I would more appropriately call persistent depression. I was grieving not just the initial trigger but also the loss of who I once was, and this frustration eventually lead to the experience of hopeless despair.

​Despite this, I still held onto an idea—an idea that I could choose to ignore or explore. Today I am passionate about sharing this transformational idea with those who are experiencing frustration, confusion, discouragement, negative affirmations, and despair, because it’s an idea that has not only changed my life but has also sincerely saved my life. This simple yet transformational idea is Fascination.

I believe that choosing fascination over frustration is the key to enjoying the highest levels of happiness in life, and to understand how fascination works in this way we’ll explore themes found in mythology.

The Hero’s Journey To Joy
The Hero’s Journey is a mythological concept that serves as a storytelling template to communicate the adventure, crisis, victory, and transformation of the main character or “hero.” The concept was first introduced by the anthropologist Edward Burnett in 1871, later expounded upon by many others, and then popularized by the mythologist Joseph Campbell.

We can see this pattern in storytelling, books, and movies, yet we can also view our own lives through this same mythological lens. By viewing life’s circumstances as reflections of the Hero’s Journey we naturally become engaged, active, and purposeful participants with life, rather than passive, disengaged, and uninspired spectators of life.

There are key words that serve as signposts for each phase of this journey, and these signposts form what I call, The 5 Levels of Happiness, which can be understood as a happiness spectrum. For clarity, I’ll explain each of the 5 Level of Happiness in context with the Hero’s Journey:

THE ORDINARY WORLD
The beginning of every myth is the experience of stability in the ordinary world—an ordinary world that heroes accept as their normal natural state. In the context of the happiness spectrum, the ground floor of both happiness and unhappiness are made up of the same thing, and that is acceptance. For our purposes we will define acceptance as the acknowledgment of what can and cannot be controlled. From this foundational vantage we can move up or down the happiness spectrum.

• The Ground Floor of Happiness & Unhappiness is Acceptance.

TRIGGER
When a trigger disrupts the ordinary world heroes can choose to respond with frustration and give up, or respond with fascination and maintain curiosity to build themselves up. By choosing fascination heroes set into motion positive momentum.

• Level One of Happiness is Fascination.
• Level One of Unhappiness is Frustration.

CALL TO ADVENTURE
Fascination with life’s disruptions becomes a call to adventure! This is where curiosity leads to inspiration, with the creation of empowering dreams and goals as solutions to the disruption. Conversely, choosing frustration chokes curiosity, prevents inspiration, and leads to confusion.

• Level Two of Happiness is Inspiration.
• Level Two of Unhappiness is Confusion.

THE JOURNEY
Encouraged by empowered dreams and goals heroes become motivated to begin a journey towards the achievement of their supreme efforts! Conversely, confusion leads to discouragement, holding heroes back from taking motivated action. 

• Level Three of Happiness is Motivation.
• Level Three of Unhappiness is Discouragement.

ORDEAL & REWARD
At some point during the journey heroes inevitably come face-to-face with their biggest challenges and receive their due reward. This success serves as positive affirmation to keep fighting the good fight! Conversely, discouragement can lead to the negative affirmation rewards of pity parties, victim-mentality-driven sympathy, and “misery loves company” attitudes.

• Level Four of Happiness is Positive Affirmation.
• Level Four of Unhappiness is Negative Affirmation.

TRANSFORMATION
The final stage of the Hero’s Journey is the transformation of the ordinary world to experience the highest level of happiness--Joy! This is where true enjoyment and excellence becomes possible due to the courage to take on the challenge of the transformational journey. Conversely, when heroes are content with the illusionary rewards of negative affirmation this can lead to the experience of hopeless despair.

• Level Five of Happiness is Joy.
• Level Five of Unhappiness is Despair.

After nearly three years of living in the dark night of the soul I embarked on a journey to crawl out of despair and back to the ground floor of acceptance. Once back on solid ground I resolved to make better choices moving forward, and the first choice was simple yet profound. Instead of being frustrated by the triggers that disrupt my world I chose instead to be fascinated by them. In so doing I became the hero of my own story, inspired and motivated to answer the call to adventure, allowing me the opportunity to grow and become more than I ever dreamed I could be and experience the highest levels of happiness.

If Your Life Were A Myth
Seeing your life as a myth is an exciting perspective. It’s like living a fascinating book or movie! It’s also fun to wonder who would play you in the movie version of your life. For me it would definitely be the versatile, prolific, and genius actor Eddie Murphy—because if anyone could pull it off it would be him. Of course it would also have to be directed by Quentin Tarantino. 

If lately you’ve been frustrated, confused, or discouraged, then I encourage you to try Fascination on for size. As you do, you may find the following myth-related prompts helpful:

1. If your life were a myth, how would you describe your ordinary world?
2. What trigger is disrupting your world? Are you frustrated or fascinated?
3. What’s your call to adventure? What are your dreams and goals?
4. Have you begun your journey? If so, what’s motivating you? If not, what’s getting in your way?
5. What rewards are you seeking? What positive affirmations have you already received?
6. What kind of transformation are you working towards? What Joys have you already experienced?

It’s been many years since I first worked through those prompts myself, and today I am stronger and happier than I’ve ever been. Even still, I can say with confidence that disappointments still hurt, and sad things still cause tears; but, I can also say with authority that what I learned in the process of digging myself out of despair has given me a perspective that makes the low points of life seem a little less low, and makes the dark days seem a little less dark. And that has proven to be a greater experience of magic than any sleight of hand or smoke and mirrors ever will be.

Final Thoughts
No one and no thing can make you enjoy your life, and no one and no thing can make you excel in life. Enjoyment and excellence are personal choices. You choose to enjoy life when you choose to be fascinated rather than frustrated—when instead of giving up you choose to build yourself up. And you choose to excel in life when you take what you know and you take what you’ve been given and you do something amazing with it.

As a lasting piece of encouragement, I leave you with the words of Joseph Campbell:

It’s been said that the greatest responsibility of a leader is to empower their followers. But what exactly does it mean to “empower?” The dictionary defines empowerment as the authority and power to do something. With this in mind, I’d suggest that the responsibility of empowerment extends not just to others but to the self as well. After all, we can’t give to others what we don’t ourselves possess; therefore self-empowerment becomes a prerequisite to empowering others.
 
Empowerment gives us the confidence and motivation to jump into action with our grand plans, while a lack of empowerment holds us back. Disempowerment keeps us from moving forward, favoring the status quo of average and a “good enough” mindset.
 
Empowerment Practices
In my book Are You P.O.S.I.T.I.V.E.?: Rethinking Positive Thinking, I share an eight-step process for developing and fostering positivity to enjoy and excel in life at work, home, and beyond. For the purposes of this article, here’s a brief summary of three of those practices that you can begin implementing today for your own personal empowerment:
 
1. Stimulate Your Passions
For our purposes we will define passion as the intersection of our talents and our interests. That is, the cross-section of the things that we can do better than most people with little or no effort, and the things that we think about even when we should be thinking about other things. When we combine these two things, Bippity Boppity Boo, we find passion.
 
Experts often say that we should focus on our passions because it helps us become most engaged in our work, but stimulating our passions takes us a step further because it highlights the gap between what we want to do and what we’re currently capable of doing.
 
It’s kind of like the gap between a train and a station platform: if we’re not aware of the gap then we could end up falling and missing the train! In a similar way, if we aren’t aware of our skills and knowledge gap then we can end up missing the train of life and never get to where we want to go with our lives.
 
In his book High Performance Habits, personal growth expert Brendon Burchard talks about this same idea. He says:
 
“A Super Bowl-winning quarterback doesn’t just know how to throw a ball. He has had to master mental toughness, nutrition, self-discipline, contract negotiations, brand building, and so on. Someone who reaches high performance in any career must have competence in many of the areas that touch that career (p. 15).”
 
There’s a difference between someone who knows how to throw a ball and someone who celebrates the success of a Super Bowl Win. And that difference is a one person came down out of the clouds, stimulated their passions, and did everything they needed to turn the dream into a vision.
 
What’s your passion? What skills and knowledge touch that passion? Empower yourself today and every day by stimulating your passions.
 
2. Identify Your Responsibilities
Winston Churchill once said that the price of greatness is responsibility. One source of empowerment, then, is to identify our responsibilities. In a world where many avoid responsibility by doing just the bare minimum to get by, the path of responsibility is one where we’ll perhaps find few travel companions, yet it’s one well worth the effort.
 
An important thing to keep in mind here is that we sometimes hold ourselves accountable for things that we truly have no control over. There’s a difference between the things that we can change and the things that we need to just let go of. Our task, then, is to identify what we can control so we can recognize our true responsibilities.
 
To get start, consider these questions:
·      What can you control?
·      What responsibilities do you have to yourself?
·      If you have a family (e.g. parents, children, spouse, etc.) what are your responsibilities to them?
·      If you live in a community, what is your responsibility as a neighbor?
·      If you have a job, what is your responsibility to your customers, co-workers, and to your employer?
·      If you are a member of the human race, and a citizen of this Earth, what are your responsibilities to the world?
 
The concept of responsibility is simple yet it can at times be challenging to put into practice, at least in the beginning. It’s safe to say that most everyone wants to change the world for the better; it’s just that not everyone is willing to change themselves. Yet, by identifying our responsibilities we’ll become empowered to experience positive growth because it cuts through the distracting noise of everyday life, highlighting a clear path for action.
 
The important thing to remember is to take that first step. There are only so many hours in the day. Saying no to things that you aren’t responsible for frees up your schedule to say yes to the things that you are responsible for. Empower yourself today by identifying your responsibilities.
 
3. Invest In Worthy Guides
In 2015 I went skydiving for the first time. I wouldn’t particularly call myself a daredevil; rather, I simply put my trust in those who are masters of their craft. I didn’t dive into the sky alone. Rather, I dove into the sky with the security of being strapped to someone who had made that same jump literally thousands of times.
 
The ancient Greek stoic philosopher Epictetus, in the book Enchiridion, is quoted as saying:
 
“One of the best ways to elevate your character immediately is to find worthy role models to emulate.”
 
Consider that successful sport teams never go it alone; rather, they always have a coach to help show them the way. These coaches are people who have prior knowledge and experience that they use to offer advice and encouragement. They’ve gone that way before and can offer a welcomed perspective of things to look for, things to avoid, and things to try along the journey. Just as a sports team would never go into a game without a coach, it would be just as silly for you or I to try to go it alone in the game of life when there are worthy coaches, guides, and mentors available to us.
 
That’s the power of a worthy guide. They can take us to the edge and guide us safely through the thrill of positive growth and development. They show us the way, tell us what tools and skills we’ll need, and advise use when to jump and when to hold back. Empower yourself today by investing in worthy guides.
 
Final Thoughts
Ultimately there are three kinds of people when it comes to empowerment, or a lack thereof:

1. Those who don’t know what they would like to do. In other words, they are confused.
2. Those who know what they want to do, but don’t do it. In other words, they are frustrated (and maybe a little unconfident, discouraged, afraid, scared, or lazy too!)
3. Those who know what they want to do, and do it. In other words, they are fulfilled.

 
There’s no need to be confused or frustrated. Employing the three empowerment practices shared in this article can provide you with an easy to follow roadmap for becoming empowered. So if lately you’ve been feeling unmotivated, unconfident, and unfulfilled, implement these practices today and see what they can do for you.

One of my favorite moments as a magician happened during the spring of 2009.  I was contracted to tour all the senior centers in Springfield, MA with my magic act and when I showed up to one of the locations one afternoon I was met with a most unfortunate circumstance. Everyone was playing bingo.
 
 If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a performer it’s that no one wants to be interrupted from what they’re doing to watch a magic show. Especially senior citizens playing bingo! After explaining that I had been asked to present that day a woman in the back of the room gave me a stern stare and a scowl. Her only question was, “How long is your show going to take?”

“It depends,” I replied. “If everyone is enjoying themselves and participating then the show can go as long as an hour, but if there’s not as much participation then it will probably be over in about 40 minutes or so.”

Her response wasn’t very reassuring: “It will be a short show.”

Regardless of the circumstances and the criticism, I boldly stepped forward and performed giving everyone my best effort. To be sure, there were a number of folks there that were interested in my presentation and I quickly aligned myself with those allies, but I kept a close eye on that woman in the back.  

It was about halfway through the performance that I noticed her expression begin to change. Where once there was a scowl there appeared a smile, and where once there was scorn there was now laughter. By the end of the show this same woman who had wanted nothing to do with me actually willingly volunteered to participate with one of the demonstrations! 

As I was making my rounds after the show thanking everyone for having me, the woman pulled me aside and paid me a compliment that to this day I don’t think has ever been beaten. She said, “Jonas, I don’t like magicians, but I like you!”
​

During the ensuing hospital stay I had plenty of time to reflect on where I went wrong.  Even though I had practiced the stunt, in rehearsal I didn’t actually use real acid (after all, why practice something that you can only afford to fail once?) So in rehearsal I instead used seltzer, and it worked fine—most of the time.  Sometimes I did drank the seltzer by mistake.  But as the night of the talent show got closer and closer I was running out of time and was relying on this stunt to be the big closure of my act, so I decided that it just needed to work, so I just put on “positive attitude” about the whole thing and went for it. Unfortunately this “positive attitude” ignored the reality of my circumstances—it ignored the fact that it was not a good idea!  ​